Monsters Anonymous

Halloween recently passed, and although many of us enjoyed the holiday, it seems like not all were satisfied. The organization Monsters Anonymous is a support group for classic Halloween monsters who feel misrepresented or rejected. Leading the group are some prominent figures such as Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula, Werewolf, and even Monster at the Bottom of the Lake.

The founder of the group, Dracula, explained their concerns this way: “MA serves as a safe place for classic monsters to get help and work through the emotional turmoil of being misrepresented. I myself have been through it. With the release of Twilight, every time I appear in public to cause some frights I am asked if I glow in the dark or am in some way connected to the Cullens. It is very difficult to cope with since I am historically one of the most feared classic monsters. Werewolf really helped me get through it because he went through the same thing with the creation of Jacob. This really showed me the power of sticking together, which is why I founded MA.”

This Halloween the group decided to step forth with their most pressing grievances as members fear that society isn’t recognizing the severity of the issue at hand. Frankenstein’s monster claims that not only does he now have to deal with people confusing his name with his creator’s, but he has also seen a steep decline in people wearing his costume. It seems as if society has decided to completely reject classic monsters with so many new shows presenting frightening characters.

It seems as if society has decided to completely reject classic monsters with so many new shows presenting frightening characters.

— Bruna Piccin

Monsters Anonymous blames many of the new slasher movies for the recent decline in classic monster popularity. In response to the accusation, the leaders of Slashers Associated, Freddie Krueger and Jason, released a statement: “If classic monsters want someone to blame, they are blaming the wrong people. We are in a very similar situation, having to produce worse and worse quality flicks in order to keep people mildly interested in us. We have gone from threats to becoming the laughing stock of the horror community. We even had to fight each other for revenue in the atrocity that was Freddie Vs. Jason.

Members of Slashers Associated and Monsters Anonymous proposed the following solution: add one more Halloween to the calendar on November 30th so that the Halloween season would last an entire month. A longer Halloween season would give people more time to celebrate, giving attention to both the classic and newer monsters. These groups also hope that a longer Halloween period would cause people to become more passionate about the holiday instead of playing Christmas carols mid-October and making them feel like they belong to a less-loved holiday.

Of course this suggestion raised complaints from the Thanksgiving Company, which claims that such a measure would only consolidate their position as least anticipated holiday. However, the policy is still under review. To help the cause, perhaps watch a few more old classic Halloween movies even though it’s already November. For now, all we can hope for is the rapid improvement in the mental condition of MA members and for a peaceful solution to this issue.