How would you feel if you called your crush’s house and, by chance, their parents picked up? Nowadays, there is no such thing. But in the late 1900s and early 2000s, that could easily happen. Dating culture has evolved so dramatically that some might say the dating world back then is more similar to ancient times than to what we have today.
Before, everything moved slowly. There was no WhatsApp, Snapchat, or Instagram. Meeting people mostly happened through friends, school, church, sports, or your neighborhood. When you had a crush, you actually had to talk to them face to face. Connections were built through time spent together before anything became official. Imagine the thrill of having a crush call your house phone, and hoping you picked up instead of your embarrassing parents. That thrill didn’t happen often, so whenever communication happened outside in-person conversations, it felt special.
Everything had to be planned. You couldn’t text someone to ask where they were or if they were on the way. You picked a time and a place and hoped they showed up. When someone says “things nowadays are less complicated,” know that they are definitely not talking about dating. If you liked someone and the feeling was mutual, you talked in person, then on the landline, then you hung out, and at that point you were boyfriend and girlfriend. That was it. Social media couldn’t ruin your relationship. No screenshots, photos, or voice recordings. Things were private. And slower. If you had a crush, that crush was special. Affection meant something, and it wasn’t something you shared with everyone.
Today, meeting new people can happen anywhere. You can go to a party and know everyone, or know no one. You might expect things to move quickly and still lead to dating, but now it almost never does. Going to a party and kissing someone might mean something, or it might mean nothing at all. Kissing someone can feel like rolling a dice. You don’t need real feelings at all.
Even with random hookups, the “crush stage” still exists, but it changed. Now it shows up when a friend talks to your crush for you, when you send them a message, or when they like your stories. And even after a kiss, you are still not tied to that person in Brazilian culture. There are stages: “ficando” (when you have kissed a few times), “ficando sério” (when things get more serious), “fechado” (exclusive, but not dating), and finally “namorando” (officially dating). There are only four steps, but they can take weeks or months. It might seem like things are slower today, but they are not slow; they are complicated. What used to be slow romance has turned into a chaotic race.
The euphoric rush to meet new people, kiss new people, and talk to new people today used to be the calm warmth of having one crush and going through the slow process of getting to know them. Modern dating might feel long, but it is actually rushed and messy. Some might say it is centered more on kissing than on truly meeting a person, unlike in the past. You could even argue that dating used to be less stressful, with no online fights or breakups to worry about.
In the end, modern dating culture can feel inconvenient and complicated, and sometimes it lacks the intentionality and emotional depth that make relationships feel meaningful. When comparing both eras, it becomes clear how much has changed. Dating culture is constantly evolving, and each person experiences it differently.
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