People say friends differ from family because they are chosen. However, how intentional can friendships really be? This is one of the questions I stumbled upon while I was brainstorming for this article. Are friendships really forever? And how can I keep a friend who no longer lives in the same city as I do? Being in an international environment, we’ve all been struck at least once with all of these doubts, especially when our paths drift apart from those of our friends. Physical distance places a significant barrier when it comes to nurturing relationships and it can often lead to the impression that long-distance friendships are less meaningful or important. However, the truth is actually quite the opposite. 

The first thing a long-distance friend challenges you to do is to look internally at yourself and weigh your priorities. It puts you in the spot to reflect about how much the person really means to you. Absence increases appreciation, missing someone makes you realize their real significance to you. In long-distance friendships you choose to stay in touch with that person because you acknowledge them as important to you. 

This leads to the second challenge: commitment. When you don’t share the same routine with someone anymore, it is hard to find opportunities where you can meet and spend quality time together (one of the five main love languages). Thus, every action needs to be intentional: a call, a text, a video note, even a small check in with them, it requires that you put effort into it. It highly differs from what is known as a “convenience friendship”, where the circumstances play a bigger role in the friendship than each other’s actual wishes. For example, a colleague in your class or a neighbour. You might eventually make the effort of making small talk with them. However, once you drift apart (you switch classes for example), you will hardly exchange words again.

The hurdles of a long-distance friendship just go on to show how meaningful a relationship really is when it is able to survive through a screen. There is no comparison between the amount of effort you put into a physical and a long-distance relationship. Long distance requires attention. It requires commitment. And more than anything, it requires making choices. You have to be willful about every action, and you have to be sure about what that person means to you. 

If you’ve had a long-distance friend, you’ve realized that even though calling, facetiming and texting are only a click away, it can be hard to do so. It is challenging to take that first step because it is bold to admit that you miss someone. However, once you start doing it, you realize it is all worth it. At the end of the day, I’d much prefer making an extra effort than missing out on a best friend. With the right amount of will, even when a friend is miles away, they can still feel like home.